selfish
by clairebxrton
Summary: He couldn't explain it to her, the reasons he went to rescue her were all selfish and far from good reasons, but they were his. / fem!sanji. pre-sanlu. friendship/pre-romance. crossposted to a03.


Selfish:  
self·ish _/ˈselfiSH/_  
_adjective_

1\. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.  
2\. Caring only about what you want or need without any thought for the needs or wishes of other people

* * *

He had been very selfish, Luffy thought as he stared up at the darkening sky. He was the only one left on the grassy deck of the Sunny, everyone else had gone to bed besides him and Sanju, who had made her way back into the kitchen after changing from the dress that she had been wearing. He had been selfish to head straight into Yonko territory; selfish to fight Big Mom with half a crew and half a thought; selfish to sit himself in that one place, unwilling to continue to be a captain if it meant leaving behind Sanju – he had been far too selfish in his desire to get his cook back and he felt bad for the injuries the others had sustained.

But at the same time, all Luffy could think about was the sight of Sanju smiling at him while feeding them earlier; how she had cried in front of him in the rain as she had brought him food. How she had cried about coming back to the Sunny.

A twinge hit his heart once again – the same twinge that had happened when he had learned that Sanju had left – he didn't like to see Sanju crying. It had hurt in a weird way. He realized it way back when he had first met her and she had sobbed when leaving the Baratie. He had wanted to offer to turn back, take the old man that had been her father with them; anything he could've done to stop her from crying, he would've done.

A creak turned his head, forcing the thoughts from his mind. He twisted his head around to find Sanju standing at the entrance to the kitchen with a platter held in her hands. She gave him a smile as she made her way to him, her naked feet gliding across grassy deck. It wasn't often that she went without shoes, only when she had to kick them off to swim and save him did he really notice it, but tonight she apparently decided shoes wasn't for her – it brought a bigger grin to his face.

"Meat?" He asked as he moved to sit cross-legged. Exasperation crossed Sanju's face for a moment as she placed the platter down in front of him and he took in the sight of the food and drinks covering it. He watched as she sat down on her knees on the other side of the platter and make a motion for him to go ahead and eat.

"I wanted to-" Sanju paused, looking up at the sky and pulling out a cigarette, "I wanted to thank you Captain."

Luffy paused with a leg of lamb in his mouth, "Wha?"

She sighed deeply, lighting the cigarette and taking a long drawn out drag from it. "For saving me," she clarified after a moment, "I wanted to thank you for saving me. I know – I know you didn't have to-"

"Of course I did!" Luffy interrupted, he thought they had already had this conversation! "I need you to become the Pirate King!"

Luffy watched as her face went through several different looks, each one more distressed than the other, before she shook her head. Nami had said that Sanju still didn't understand why he wanted her on his crew; that the things her father had yelled while they were leaving had left a wound he couldn't see on her – though Luffy didn't understand why, her father had listed everything that Luffy loved about Sanju.

"There are a bunch of sea cooks you can find-"

"And none as good as you!" Luffy said, basically breathing in the food from she had brought. "You're the best and I told you, I need the best."

"All this-" she motioned towards the sea with her hand, "because I'm the best?"

Luffy tilted his head, making a face. How did she not get it? "You're also my nakama," he said, "I'll do anything for my nakama."

Sanju shook her head, finishing her cigarette before tossing the butt over the edge of Sunny. Luffy watched as she moved to sit on her butt, bringing her knees up to her chest and leaning her head on them as she stared out in the distance. "You're an idiot," she said after a moment, her voice full of anger. "You all could've died, then what?"

Luffy paused in his eating of the last food from the platter, a bone sticking out from his mouth, but apparently that was the wrong thing to do because Sanju jolted upwards and glared down at him. "I mean it Luffy, what would the rest of the crew had done if you had died? There's more people than just you on this crew and they all rely on you to fulfill _their_ dreams as well!" Arms crossed over her chest, eyes slightly wet from unshed tears, she looked like she wanted him to reassure her of something, but Luffy couldn't understand what.

He had proven how far he'd go for her, wasn't that good enough?

"I know," he said after a moment, swallowing the food in his mouth and pushing the platter over.

"Then why? Why risk everything for a _failure_?"

Luffy stood up to meet her eye to eye, before wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. She was too stunned to do anything and he was thankful for that – she kicked far too hard and he was still injured and didn't want to be kicked any time soon – but then the sob happened. For a second Luffy wanted to pull away, apologize for doing whatever it was he had done to make her sob again. But, then he felt it. She brought her arms up to wrap around him, her body bending slightly to lean into him.

"You're an idiot," she murmured as she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

He couldn't explain it to her, the reasons he went to rescue her were all selfish and far from good reasons, but they were his. And when he set his mind to something, he never ever gave in.

* * *

A/N: this is the cutest thing i've ever written in one night ever. also please take that into consideration, all mistakes are because i wrote this in the span of like three hours, but i'm really proud of it and i've doubled and tripled checked it and it seems fine - grammatically and spell-atically (i'm really tired while posting this but i've gotta a few more hours before i can sleep).

anyway, i'm actually huge (HUGE) trash for luffy and sanji and my brain was like 'what if you wrote something for sanju and luffy taking place in an alternate universe of your alternate universe series 'shakedown'?' and i was like omg yes. what does an alternate universe of my alternate universe series 'shakedown' look like? well canon-ish.

i'm sorry that this isn't an update to anything i've written but i still hope you all enjoy it! if you've enjoyed this, please remember to leave a comment and a kudos! if any of you want to see more of this pairing from me, that'll help me know! hugs and kisses from you're friendly tired writer.


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